winter.
love. so much love for my man and the ways he is so good to me.
positivity in midst of malcontent.
cold. cold weather. makes me want tea and coffee and sleep and music i havent heard in years.
makes me want to write. and read the old things i would write.
so much nostalgia for freer times.
starry eyed still in the light of our love.
after all we have been through it is still so romantic. i melt in his kiss.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
slump
after a series of emotionally weakening events,
i have decided to stop smoking, and get back on track.
my inner turmoil is my own problem, and i intend to fix it.
my low self-confidence is astonishing,
my lack of motivation must end,
my directionless wanderings are proving harmful to my happiness.
what i need:
goals, direction, confidence, strength, sobriety, dedication, health, fitness.
and so here i go!
i have decided to stop smoking, and get back on track.
my inner turmoil is my own problem, and i intend to fix it.
my low self-confidence is astonishing,
my lack of motivation must end,
my directionless wanderings are proving harmful to my happiness.
what i need:
goals, direction, confidence, strength, sobriety, dedication, health, fitness.
and so here i go!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
june
me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
so my birthday is coming up, and although i aspire to hedonism, i feel myself looking outwards more lately. my birthday will be modest (i'm working, so is adam) and i will enjoy it with people i love and i will have good times. but it's different this year. i'm going to be 23. which kind of shocks me. it's not "old" by any means, but it's old-ER. just ever so slightly.
makes me think serious.
i'm really happy with the people in my life, and having a job makes things better, and being in school makes things better, and summertime makes things better.
i feel grateful, and not greedy.
it's interesting how people are who they are. it makes me wonder why. i think so many people are afraid of change, and they close their minds because of it. i used to be afraid of a lot of things, i am totally a pussy when it comes to most adult things, but i am not afraid to let things change me. i'm not afraid to let someone CHANGE WHO I AM. only in a good way. but how many people my age can say that about themselves and really mean it and really know that it is true. three years ago i was so all up in myself and thinking i knew everything (especially thinking i knew what i wanted). i am so happy to see so many changes in myself since then. serious things have become important to me, and it feels so good to have people in my life to help me grow. a lot has happened. SO MUCH. and it never got that crazy, but it all effected me so much. and i am so grateful for it. i've learned to start believing in myself more and push myself to do things i never though possible. i'm encouraged to try new things and always set goals for myself. ugh. ok now i'm going to stop.
it's my birthday, bitchez.
so my birthday is coming up, and although i aspire to hedonism, i feel myself looking outwards more lately. my birthday will be modest (i'm working, so is adam) and i will enjoy it with people i love and i will have good times. but it's different this year. i'm going to be 23. which kind of shocks me. it's not "old" by any means, but it's old-ER. just ever so slightly.
makes me think serious.
i'm really happy with the people in my life, and having a job makes things better, and being in school makes things better, and summertime makes things better.
i feel grateful, and not greedy.
it's interesting how people are who they are. it makes me wonder why. i think so many people are afraid of change, and they close their minds because of it. i used to be afraid of a lot of things, i am totally a pussy when it comes to most adult things, but i am not afraid to let things change me. i'm not afraid to let someone CHANGE WHO I AM. only in a good way. but how many people my age can say that about themselves and really mean it and really know that it is true. three years ago i was so all up in myself and thinking i knew everything (especially thinking i knew what i wanted). i am so happy to see so many changes in myself since then. serious things have become important to me, and it feels so good to have people in my life to help me grow. a lot has happened. SO MUCH. and it never got that crazy, but it all effected me so much. and i am so grateful for it. i've learned to start believing in myself more and push myself to do things i never though possible. i'm encouraged to try new things and always set goals for myself. ugh. ok now i'm going to stop.
it's my birthday, bitchez.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
i can't describe my love for it.
i have this blog that has pretty much no pictures or other things to distract or inspire, but words and phrases that sometimes get through and sometimes a lot of the time fall flat to anyone but me.
still. it's a blog. it's all about me.
i'm trying to feel more confident lately. my man bought me some nice things. including women's vitamins which sounds silly but i'm seriously stoked he bought them for me because i kind of like being reminded every day that i am a woman and i am different from a man and women need things different than men do. it makes me feel special in a weird way.
i have my nails painted the sweetest light pink right now. it's incredibly feminine and encouraging.
i'm going to apply for a few jobs today. i'm going to look nice and do my make up good and go in there with positivity and confidence. i have a pretty awful work history which makes it hard for me to find jobs, but mostly when i get hired, it's because i have a solid attitude and not to mention a pretty good looking face and body. well maybe not body... sort of... ugh! whatever, i'm the shit.
june is coming up and june is MY thing. june is the best thing ever. it's birthdays every week, summer beckoning, anxious legs for hiking, sunbathing riverside, and pool parties. perfection!
i will leave you with this incredible painting (yes it is a painting! oil paint!!) done by maurizio bongiovanni.
now isn't that just amazing. i can't describe my love for it.
still. it's a blog. it's all about me.
i'm trying to feel more confident lately. my man bought me some nice things. including women's vitamins which sounds silly but i'm seriously stoked he bought them for me because i kind of like being reminded every day that i am a woman and i am different from a man and women need things different than men do. it makes me feel special in a weird way.
i have my nails painted the sweetest light pink right now. it's incredibly feminine and encouraging.
i'm going to apply for a few jobs today. i'm going to look nice and do my make up good and go in there with positivity and confidence. i have a pretty awful work history which makes it hard for me to find jobs, but mostly when i get hired, it's because i have a solid attitude and not to mention a pretty good looking face and body. well maybe not body... sort of... ugh! whatever, i'm the shit.
june is coming up and june is MY thing. june is the best thing ever. it's birthdays every week, summer beckoning, anxious legs for hiking, sunbathing riverside, and pool parties. perfection!
i will leave you with this incredible painting (yes it is a painting! oil paint!!) done by maurizio bongiovanni.
Friday, May 11, 2012
yes!
gardening like mad.
it is awesome.
i spend my mornings with coffee on the deck reading through the amazing Western Garden Book,
which i think is now my favorite book ever in the world?? yeah. probably.
house work is great. now that i have a house to take care of, it really makes me feel good to do chores and make everything look clean and nice. especially the things that really need work (garden).
been feeling good lately. i was fired. i'm getting on unemployment though. it makes me feel guilty because i am more than able and willing to work. however, summer is coming and with summer comes lots of backpacking and trips and adventures. so yeah...
been writing a bit.
going to start taking ballet at least once a week at a new studio.
feeling inspired.
really really inspired.
the thing about dance that is so good to me, is feeling like a dancer. going to class in a leo and tights, my clothes style, hair in bun, stretching, drinking water, SWEATING. the amazingness of just being around other people who want to dance and work their butts off and TECHNIQUE. god how i've missed it. i miss concentrating so hard on placement, movement, lifting, turning out, timing, beating. i miss concentrating on all those things so hard that i fall behind at barre and forget the steps.
i think i will fit back into it quite well.
it is awesome.
i spend my mornings with coffee on the deck reading through the amazing Western Garden Book,
which i think is now my favorite book ever in the world?? yeah. probably.
house work is great. now that i have a house to take care of, it really makes me feel good to do chores and make everything look clean and nice. especially the things that really need work (garden).
been feeling good lately. i was fired. i'm getting on unemployment though. it makes me feel guilty because i am more than able and willing to work. however, summer is coming and with summer comes lots of backpacking and trips and adventures. so yeah...
been writing a bit.
going to start taking ballet at least once a week at a new studio.
feeling inspired.
really really inspired.
the thing about dance that is so good to me, is feeling like a dancer. going to class in a leo and tights, my clothes style, hair in bun, stretching, drinking water, SWEATING. the amazingness of just being around other people who want to dance and work their butts off and TECHNIQUE. god how i've missed it. i miss concentrating so hard on placement, movement, lifting, turning out, timing, beating. i miss concentrating on all those things so hard that i fall behind at barre and forget the steps.
i think i will fit back into it quite well.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
recently...
straight up hatred and anger gets me motivated to work out.
look at pictures of tons and tons of beautiful perfectly proportioned women = WORK THAT ASS OFF
it pisses me off that women even look like that.
so i'm gonna do my mother FUCKING best.
look at pictures of tons and tons of beautiful perfectly proportioned women = WORK THAT ASS OFF
it pisses me off that women even look like that.
so i'm gonna do my mother FUCKING best.
Friday, April 6, 2012
money can't buy you happiness
it's an old saying. it makes sense to me, but i also feel that there is so much importance of money on a more emotional and mindful level. earning money feels good. working hard and getting a reward feels good. giving yourself (or others) gifts feels good.
i am working and earning what i work for. i am enjoying things that are nice that i have previously not had the pleasure of having. it does not verify my person or status in any way, but simply makes me happy that i know i can earn reward for doing something. i am easily pleased in that way.
i am working and earning what i work for. i am enjoying things that are nice that i have previously not had the pleasure of having. it does not verify my person or status in any way, but simply makes me happy that i know i can earn reward for doing something. i am easily pleased in that way.
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